Lev Lazinskiy

Coming out to Grandma

Feeling really touched today after reading a letter that Corry Frydlewicz wrote coming out to her grandma:

https://corryfrydlewicz.com/dear-grandma/

By the time I came around to coming out to my grandpa a few year ago my grandma already had dementia and was no longer able to have a meaningful conversation with me. I have no idea why I waited so long. My grandparents were proud of me and supported me my entire life and whatever toxic fantasy I came up on my own mind about how they would react never came to pass. I told my grandpa I was happy, in love, and not going to spend my life being alone. Maybe he didn’t fully understand but he was happy for me, and he finally stopped trying to connect me with single women he knew or ask me when I was getting married.

I never came around to talking to my other grandma about it. I don’t know why. I wish I did. I wanted her to know that I was living a life I am proud of with someone that makes every day special. I wore the Vyshyvanka she bought me from the clothes shop downstairs from her apartment on the day of my COVID zoom wedding. I wanted her to be close to me even though I didn’t have the courage to tell her. That is still my favorite picture of us:

https://levlaz.org/valentina-rytenko/

I regret that I didn’t tell her and I think I always will.

What I finally realized too late is that when your grandparents nag you about “finding a nice girl to marry” it’s less about the heteronormative part and much more about them wanting you to be happy and not spend your life alone. I know she would have been proud and happy for me even if she didn’t fully understand.