Lev Lazinskiy

Gerald

Update 6/15/2024: I found a picture of Gerald via someone’s facebook page, it’s a stylized photo that I remember he used as his profile picture on MySpace. This is the closest I’ve come to seeing him in over 10 years.

Update 12/15/2023: I do not have a single photo of Gerald because MySpace deleted all of his photos and the one picture that I had posted here was corrupted. If you knew him, and have any photos of him, it would mean the world to me if you would share.

I was able to visit his grave at Gate of Heaven Cemetary (13801 Georgia Ave) in Silver Spring, MD a few years ago. I plan to go back whenever I find myself back in town. Rest in Peace Gerald, I still have not forgotten about you.

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I have not written about this yet. I don’t know what I could possibly say that would express how deeply saddened I am at this time. I don’t know what in the world I could possibly say that would give tribute to a person who was a ray of sunshine across Washington D.C.

Gerald was a great friend to me. He was the first person I met at Apex in D.C. on one of my first trips out to visit the gayberhood in Washington. He was such a great person, we really hit it off and became great friends. I will never forget the things that he gave to me. Without him I would never have been exposed to the wonderful world of House Music. Not all the crap you hear at the clubs these days. I mean real, hard, nasty, beautiful, disgusting, rough, ear drum bustin Chicago style house music.

I could write a book about Gerald. And it’s sad that I cant find the world to put into this blog. I visited his grave the other day. It was sad, I have never really been to a cemetery up until this point. I don’t know what to do when you get there. So I just sat down, smoked, and talked to him.

Life is fucked up. If you begin to ask “why” then you will get caught in a vicious self loathing cycle from which you can never escape. I know he wouldn’t want that for anyone he knew. Therefore I try to just move on and give tribute to him by living my life.

There are so many things that I wish I could have said and done, that now I will never have the chance to do. I remember the last time I spoke to him, it was on instant messenger. I just made my first Mix CD and he wanted to hear it. I was too lazy to upload it because it was a huge file and I had to work in the morning. I never did upload it and the next time I heard about him was that terrible phone call from his friend Jim that I will never forget. Telling me he was dead. What the fuck? How can this be… I mean he was 19. I am only 20. You are not supposed to get these kind of phone calls until you are in your 50’s and 60s. I mean it makes no sense whatsoever.

I loved him so much. Every time we spoke no matter what was going on in life he would manage to keep a positive outlook. I never think that when I say “ttyl” to someone on AIM that I will never get the chance to talk to them again. It’s not fair, and I am beginning to realize day by day just how fucked up life really is.

This posting is way overdue. and I am sure it does not do him justice. But ill put it out for the world to see.

My mother says that a person is only truly gone when no one remembers them anymore. I am making it a vow that for as long as I live I will attempt to remember him. He deserves it. May you rest in peace Gerald.

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Joe Smooth - Promised Land (This one’s for you G L*ve)