Lev Lazinskiy

21st Birthday Weekend

Isn’t your 21st birthday weekend supposed to be the one weekend in your life that you are allowed to get completely obliterated and not remember what happened at all. Why then I ask you am I sitting in my room folding clothes and missing my lover terribly. I hate this distance, its just too much for me to handle sometimes. It will get better, a friend of mine is always saying “I am planning to spend the rest of my life with him, so this 6 month period is nothing.” Well thats all nice and fine for her because she is planning on getting married.

Gay people do not get married, especially not in their twenties. Its just not the same. We can sit here and pretend like we are in a loving committed relationship but statistics show us that it is very unlikely that we are going to “spend the rest of our lives together.” Odds are we are going to make it through these next six months. (If you add in the past events it has been one of the toughest times of my life.) And then end up breaking up because we don’t agree on the color of the blinds in our living room.

I have read so many poems, and plays, and books, and songs, and movies about love and they all talk about how difficult it is. I know understand why these poets killed themselves, and felt like they were dying on the inside before hand. Love is one of the strangest things in the world. It is truly a double edged sword. It can make you feel on top of the world and the next second it can make you feel like you just want to tie a rock to your ankles and jump into the ocean. Being in Love is enough to drive anyone into a bipolar depressed state of existence.

One of my favorite songs says “Why would we rather put ourselves through hell than sleep alone at night?” And I am still trying to figure this out myself. The only difference between my current situation and that song is that I am putting myself through hell and STILL Sleeping alone at night.

I can not wait to get past this. Remember December. Come December my life will change forever in a good way and I can not wait.