21st Birthday Weekend
Isn’t your 21st birthday weekend supposed to be the one weekend in your life that you are allowed to get completely obliterated and not remember what happened at all. Why then I ask you am I sitting in my room folding clothes and missing my lover terribly. I hate this distance, its just too much for me to handle sometimes. It will get better, a friend of mine is always saying “I am planning to spend the rest of my life with him, so this 6 month period is nothing.” Well thats all nice and fine for her because she is planning on getting married.
Gay people do not get married, especially not in their twenties. Its just not the same. We can sit here and pretend like we are in a loving committed relationship but statistics show us that it is very unlikely that we are going to “spend the rest of our lives together.” Odds are we are going to make it through these next six months. (If you add in the past events it has been one of the toughest times of my life.) And then end up breaking up because we don’t agree on the color of the blinds in our living room.
I have read so many poems, and plays, and books, and songs, and movies about love and they all talk about how difficult it is. I know understand why these poets killed themselves, and felt like they were dying on the inside before hand. Love is one of the strangest things in the world. It is truly a double edged sword. It can make you feel on top of the world and the next second it can make you feel like you just want to tie a rock to your ankles and jump into the ocean. Being in Love is enough to drive anyone into a bipolar depressed state of existence.
One of my favorite songs says “Why would we rather put ourselves through hell than sleep alone at night?” And I am still trying to figure this out myself. The only difference between my current situation and that song is that I am putting myself through hell and STILL Sleeping alone at night.
I can not wait to get past this. Remember December. Come December my life will change forever in a good way and I can not wait.
Thank you for reading! Share your thoughts with me on bluesky, mastodon, or via email.
Check out some more stuff to read down below.
Most popular posts this month
- 2024
- Reinstalling Windows at 1am
- SQLite DB Migrations with PRAGMA user_version
- My Custom Miniflux CSS Theme
- How to Disable Wayland in Debian Testing
Recent Favorite Blog Posts
This is a collection of the last 8 posts that I bookmarked.
- workflows for ai coding from /* 🤖🛠️ */
- Reinvent the Wheel from Matthias Endler
- CAPTCHAs are over (in ticketing) from pretix – behind the scenes
- You Can Choose Tools That Make You Happy from Fernando Borretti
- Using Git as S3 from Kris Tun
- Future Fonts from Blog – Brad Frost
- 21st Century C++ from Communications of the ACM
- Submarines DevCon 2025 Keynote Speech from JoshHaines.com
Articles from blogs I follow around the net
Artificial Unintelligence – We are so inured to using AI that we believe we need it
Before people around the world were connected by the internet the proliferation of new ideas and modern technologies was slow. This was bad for the originators who had no means of quickly gauging…
via V.H. Belvadi June 1, 2025How often do LLMs snitch? Recreating Theo's SnitchBench with LLM
A fun new benchmark just dropped! Inspired by the Claude 4 system card - which showed that Claude 4 might just rat you out to the authorities if you told it to "take initiative" in enforcing its morals values while exposing it to evidence of malfe…
via Simon Willison's Weblog: Entries May 31, 2025OpenAI featured chatbot is pushing extreme surgeries to “subhuman” men
OpenAI's featured chatbot recommends $200,000 in surgeries while promoting incel ideology
via Citation Needed May 31, 2025Generated by openring